How one Catholic family charts their path to holiness

The McNamara house is bursting with energy this Sunday afternoon. The family has already been up early to get to 8 a.m. Mass and Mom and Dad have successfully checked off two mealtimes — breakfast and lunch. The oldest child, sits before the TV, mesmerized by Sunday football as he recuperates from a recent tonsillectomy, while his younger brothers spar over toys one moment and then erupt into collective giggles when one lands a pretzel right in the other’s forehead. 

Tim and Amy McNamara are like many young couples today who are juggling the demands of their professional lives while raising young children. Tim is the Director of Religious Education at two parishes (St. Martin of Tours in Vicksburg and St. Philip in Battle Creek), and Amy is a social worker for St. Augustine Cathedral School. Married in 2014, their family has grown to include their three sons: Davey, 8; Ollie, 5; and Micah, 2 (as well as their child “Baby Chip” in Heaven). To their families and friends they are known for their infectious smiles as well as their inspiring joy and love for the Church. So how do they f ind time for each other and for their sons all while maintaining focus on their shared ministry to be the primary educators of the faith? With hearts centered on prayer, connection with their communities and a heaping dose  of humor and humility.
 

Where it all began

Neither Tim nor Amy could have predicted the intersection of their adult lives. Tim was finishing  his degree at Western Michigan University (WMU) with an eye to working in education. Amy was on a path to serving others as a social worker, and while she is also a WMU graduate, she didn’t meet Tim in college. It wasn’t until years later when Tim was a diocesan seminarian and Amy was figuring out post-college life while working at a doctor’s office that their paths crossed. They met while volunteering for St. Thomas More Student Parish’s migrant ministry program.

“I remember my mom calling me and telling me about this wonderful young man she met,” laughs Amy. “I also remember saying, ‘that’s great mom, but he’s a seminarian.’ She said, ‘well, yeah, but you guys could be great friends — he’s just so nice.’”

Amy soon agreed with her mom’s assessment of Tim, and the two did become good friends. So good, in fact, Amy remembers complaining to Tim about a particularly challenging relationship and Tim commiserating with her. In that moment Amy realized she had developed deep feelings for Tim and had to let him know.

“I wrote him a letter,” she remembers. “I just knew that if I didn’t let him know how I felt, then I would someday regret it.”

Tim’s reaction?

“He called me — which I thought was very mature. We had a great conversation, and he said he appreciated my letter but still felt called to serve God and continue to discern the priesthood.”

Meanwhile Tim, as he describes it, “soldiered on through seminary.”  Just a few weeks before his ordination to the transitional diaconate, he was waiting for a meeting with his Spiritual Director at the seminary.

“I remember sitting in the waiting room focusing on this beautiful photo of Jesus surrounded by little children and thinking to myself, ‘Oh, I can do this — sure — I can power through.’”

During the fateful meeting that followed, Tim’s advisors delivered the news that they were recommending Tim wait to be ordained. They didn’t feel he was quite ready to move forward. 

“I had this amazing sense of immediate peace,” Tim said.

Fast-forward to July of 2011, and Tim had just accepted a job as Director of Religious Education at St. Martin of Tours Parish in Vicksburg. Coincidentally, at the same time Tim was at the church to accept his new position, Amy stopped by the chapel at St. Tom’s, something she admits she really didn’t do.

“For some reason I was compelled to be with God and express my desire to let go of this man. I asked God to give me the peace to deal with whatever was to happen.”

It was in that moment of prayer that her phone rang.

“If you’re still looking for a boyfriend, I have someone in mind,” said the caller. “He’s unemployed and living with his parents, but he has potential.”

That caller was Tim.

Their relationship continued to grow and, not surprisingly, was rooted in prayer and service to the Church — whether that was continuing with migrant ministry or chaperoning youth groups. Amy, meanwhile, was also on the path to fulfill her dream of studying and working in Ireland. It was during a visit there she embarked on the Croagh Patrick — a hike where pilgrims are encouraged to go barefoot just  as St. Patrick did.

At the end of the hike, the couple had another Holy Spirit-inspired experience.

“Tim did the path without shoes and when we got to the top, I remember rinsing his feet off with my water bottle.”

They were both stunned to see that while Tim’s feet were certainly dirty (and likely stinky from the goat excrement)  he hadn’t gotten any cuts or bruises.

These moments — the call in the chapel and the hike —some might just put down to serendipity or coincidence. But Tim and Amy knew better. God was cementing their path together. Soon they were engaged. The two were married in May 2014 with a church full of extended family, including many priests and deacons. Today, they have nine years together, three boys, a mortgage, two careers and a family life inspired by the faith-filled examples they both grew up with.
 

Parental influences

Statistics paint the sobering reality of the challenges to passing on the Catholic faith. According to a recent Pew study, only 6 in 10 people raised by Catholic parents are practicing their faith. Tim and Amy have the example of their parents, Gloria and Mike McNamara and Ree and Tim Millard, to inspire them. 

“When we were growing up, our mom was very much ‘We go to church, and we serve,’” says Amy. “Teaching us to serve others has influenced myself and my siblings. My brother is a police officer, I’m a social worker and my sister is involved in health and wellness. We served church through migrant ministry, and we served the greater community through our involvement with Ministry with Community. We had the experience of going to church and thanking God for all our blessings.”

Tim chimes in with similar accolades for his parents, who modeled the priority of faith.

“My folks always stressed that every Sunday we go to Mass,” says Tim. “Didn’t matter if you had a sleepover and didn’t get any sleep — we always made that a priority.”

And it’s a priority Tim and Amy live today.

“On Sundays we get up and make it to 8 a.m. Mass,” says Tim. “It’s the most important thing we do all week — to worship God and give him thanks for all he’s given us.” And while Tim admits, “It’s sometimes World War III in the pews with the three of them fighting, I hope that our worship together takes root.”
 

Being in the world, not of the world

“We try to incorporate in whatever we’re doing what the faith connection may be,” explains Amy.

Tim agrees and shares how he took his son Ollie’s obsession with ninjas as a teachable faith moment.

“This past Halloween Ollie dressed up as a ninja. I did some research on this and discovered that some ninjas will take vows of celibacy — so I took that opportunity to share that information with Ollie and connect it to the priesthood and their vow of celibacy. Who knows, maybe Ollie will be the first ninja priest,” laughs Tim.

For All Soul’s Day, Amy and the boys have begun a tradition  of visiting the graves of family and friends, including Baby Chip (who they lost at 11 weeks gestation) as well as grandparents and dear family friend, Deacon Ed Feltes. 

They visit Deacon Feltes at the cemetery, and it presents an opportunity to talk about the connection between Halloween and the sacred holy days that follow, explains Amy.

“Deacon Ed helped watch them, and he was very good at rocking Ollie when he was little,” remembers Amy. “He died before Micah was born but knew he was on his way.”

Now they can point to someone the kids knew as a soul  to remember.

The other major holiday to contend with is how to balance the lure of Santa with the sacredness of Christ’s birth. There are tangible items such as their chocolate Advent calendar and their Fisher Price nativity play set. And then there are the opportunities to discuss and teach the importance of the day.

“We try talking to the boys about why we get presents —  is it just because it’s a fun thing — We try to explain it’s  Jesus’ birthday and he’s the best gift we can get,” explains Amy. “Last year we started watching ‘The Chosen’ Christmas special.” The acclaimed series really hit home, says Amy.   “I really think the actors (and the show not being animated) really helped them to visualize Jesus being born and to be  a real event we can talk about.”

Another tradition they began incorporating into their Advent observance is attending an Advent penance service. “[The prayer service] gets us focused in on the season more and growing our own relationship with Christ,” says Tim.  “It also brings a certain level of peace [to an otherwise hectic time]. I can enjoy the season knowing I’m rooted in His graces.”
 

Self-care for the soul

Both Tim and Amy are quick to point out the importance of spending time in prayer, and they grab those moments when they can. Amy will read through the daily devotions provided by the Blessed Is She app, which she says she can do while simultaneously rocking Micah. Tim intersperses his time at the two parishes capturing those moments as he can through his ministry and frequent stop-ins to say something to Jesus. Together each night the two read the next day’s Gospel.

Amy also meets with her spiritual director and participates in an online Catholic Moms Facebook group. It was while sharing her experiences in this group that one of the members told her maybe she was called to the charism of intercession. Amy recalls, “I asked Tim, ‘is that a thing?’” she laughs.

“I ask God who I should pray for and immediately visualize someone in my mind,” explains Amy. “Sometimes an image will emerge so clearly before I can even figure out who it is. These aren’t people who I’ve seen lately or talked to recently (mostly). They are just random people that I know. So, I pray for them and then have told them that God had placed them on my heart, and I hope they find comfort in knowing God’s got them. Most of them come back and told me the timing was spot on. I’ve had one friend say, ‘how’d you know?’ And another shared that her grandmother had passed after being in great pain on the day I prayed for her.”

Amy says she plans to continue to explore this path and is reluctant to place any attention on herself. “If my prayers bring joy to anyone’s life, that’s a gift for me.

“And if my experience inspires others than that’s another gift. It’s just such a humbling thing.”

“No one’s denied it,” adds Tim.

Whether individually or as a family unit, what the McNamaras hope for most is that their lived faith journey and witness, guided by the Holy Spirit, helps others, wherever the people in their lives may be in their own spiritual relationship.

“Us continuing to live out our faith is what’s most important and who knows ... maybe someone will see that and hopefully it makes an impact,” says Tim.

And their hope for their boys?

“I just hope they are kind people and fully embrace their faith,” says Amy.

“Do we do it perfectly — by no means,” chimes in Tim,   “but God’s in the struggle, and that’s part of the fun.”