Marriage Matters: How Can I Keep From Singing?

"How can I keep from singing?”

These are words from a favorite song that remind me of spring. I look outside my window, and I see flowers blooming and birds singing, as the earth seems to be renewing itself in front of my eyes. How can I keep from singing God’s praises?

The past 13 months, however, have been very difficult for most of us. In particular, for spouses who have lived with the added stress of job loss, life and health changes and living in isolation with one another 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

My story is no different. During this time, my beloved Tony, diagnosed with an aggressive form of prostate cancer nine months ago, has been working through various treatments to rid his body of this cancer. Many times I have felt overwhelmed by the impact of such a struggle. However, by the grace of God, we continue to persevere in spite of all because “... no storm can shake my inmost calm while to that refuge clinging. Since Christ is Lord of heaven and earth; how can I keep from singing?” I remind myself that God is in control of this situation.

It’s understandable when married couples get into a precarious place in their relationships under the weight of so much new and unplanned stress. Many may be tempted to abandon hope. In spite of the added unknowns of what is yet to come and if this illness will be conquered, we live day by day, surrendering all things to our Lord. He knows perfectly what is good for Tony, for me, for our family and for our life together.

Throughout the years since we were married, whenever we have faced challenges, we have conversations with our parish priest. He is always available to listen and offer guidance. In addition to counsel with our priests, the Church has developed resources for living out our vocations to married life, including Marriage Encounter, Retrouvaille and others, equipping couples with the tools to overcome trials and fight for their marriages to thrive. Personally, we have managed to stay calm, focused and determined to not only survive during this time, but to thrive in our relationship; as we pray more, we look for support communities and learn new ways of communicating with one another in order to grow in our faith, as we trust and grow more intimately with God. 

“My life flows on in endless song; above earth’s lamentation, I hear the sweet, though far-off hymn that hails a new creation ...”

If you find yourself struggling in your marriage, please do not give up. Recognize those stressors that are temporary and ask for help from each other, from professional and spiritual advisors and resources and mostly, from your personal relationship with God. The Holy Spirit is only a prayer away, and God’s door is always open.