When my husband Tony and I married, we were eager to serve one another to the point of self-sacrifice. In every detail, we made sure to be open to the needs and ideas of the other. Yet, there remained the area of disagreements or differences in points of view. We struggled with how to navigate our individual preferences without becoming controlling or uncaring. Longing to be a great spouse for the other, we worked each day at growing our relationship.
Those particular moments of disagreements called for us to be reminded of the words spoken by Jesus:
“Whoever wishes to be great among you will be your servant. Whoever wishes to be first among you will be the slave of all.”
Greatness, Christ tells us, lies in humility, in servitude, in simplicity.
As time went on, we found it a bit easier to disagree without making ‘mountains out of molehills’ — in other words, as we learned and grew to know each other better, we understood that differences of opinion many times enriched our relationship.
There were times however, when our differences of opinion seemed too different. What to do in such cases? We have to remind ourselves that the primary goal for our union is to achieve sainthood — to walk in holiness as a couple. It’s an important time to remember your common values, your shared goals as parents and partners, and that your marriage extends beyond transient feelings and mirrors the sacrificial love of the Father. I married Tony because he was chosen to be my beloved by God’s perfect design. Nothing should disturb the sacredness of our marriage; and that includes having strong differences of opinion.
We live the legacy of those who came before us — the saints like Louis and Zelie Martin, the first husband and wife to be declared saints together, who lived in harmony and raised many children, one of them St. Therese of the Child Jesus.
The journey to holiness isn’t always easy. But we are not alone. We are part of a beautiful chain of faith — a bond of believers, joined to the communion of saints, who are with us now and forever. MARRIED SAINTS: Sts. Louis and Zelie Martin ST. LOUIS: Aug. 22, 1823–July 29, 1894 ST. ZELIE: Dec. 23, 1831–Aug. 28, 1877 FEAST DAY: July 12 PATRONAGE: Illness, marriage, parenting, widowers
This couple is best known as the parents of St. Therese of Lisieux (the Little Flower), but they are models of holiness in their own right. They are only the second married couple to be canonized.
Louis was born in 1823 in Bordeaux. When his hope of entering religious life was thwarted, he became a watchmaker. Zelie Guerin was born in 1831. She, too, hoped to become a religious, but eventually understood that it was not God’s will. She became a successful lace-maker.
Louis and Zelie met in Alencon and were married in 1858 after a three-month courtship. Zelie gave birth to nine children, five of whom entered religious life.
The family lived a comfortable lifestyle, but they also suffered the loss of four children at an early age and had to deal with a rebellious daughter. Their devotion never wavered, however. The couple lived modestly, reached out to the poor and the needy and led daily prayers in the household. St. Therese would later write: “God gave me a father and a mother who were more worthy of heaven than of earth.” Louis and Zelie Martin were beatified by Pope Benedict XVI in 2008 and canonized by Pope Francis in 2015.