Perfect marriages aren’t possible — strive for a holy one
“There is no greater love within a marriage and a family than for the spouses and children to lay down their lives for one another. This is the heart of the vocation of marriage, the heart of the call to become holy.” (Marriage and Life in the Divine Plan, A Pastoral Letter, USCCB 2009)
As my husband Tony and I embarked on our marriage journey, we were not prepared for the ups and downs we were to experience, in what many have compared to a “roller-coaster ride.” One thing was for sure from the start of our married life: we would be (and still are) praying, praying, praying each and every day without fail in order to surrender our journey to God and let his divine (and perfect) design unfold.
Divine providence carried us through many moments in time. One such moment was in the earlier years of our marriage. One day, Tony came home from work and announced that he had been let go of his job. I was a stay-at-home mother then. We had four young children who were attending the Catholic school in our parish at the time. Instead of crying or worrying or losing hope, we got down on our knees and prayed for the Lord to guide us. Our prayers were answered almost immediately. The school attended by our children needed a fourth-grade teacher. I applied and got hired to start that year. This small act of sacrificial love and surrendering to God’s plan set us free — free for me to be able to spend more time with my children and freedom for Tony to calmly look for another job.
The season of Lent is a good time to begin or continue to make little (and big) sacrifices for your beloved spouse and your children. We can fast from certain bad or annoying habits, and in the process, even acquire good habits and grow in virtue (patience, prudence, fortitude, kindness, etc.). Following are just a few suggestions you might consider for your Lenten journey this year:
1.Make a list of the positive and affirming qualities you see in your beloved and focus on affirming them throughout this season. Reflect on those qualities you first noticed during your courtship — their sense of humor, generosity, perseverance — and leave unexpected notes and/or verbal affirmations.
2.Write down your own annoying habits that your spouse may have already pointed out many times before. Pray for the virtue that is needed to combat that habit. For example: I talk too much and do not allow my spouse to express their true feelings. Or, I am too controlling and do not allow others to express their own creativity while helping with the chores, household duties, etc. Now turn to the virtue that is needed: patience, humility, etc.
3.Pray for continued growth in virtue within yourself. Oftentimes we can be confident in what others need to do to improve their lives without first focusing on our own plan. Virtues are learned by practicing them. Start by choosing just one a week and keep a journal of your progress.
CARDINAL VIRTUES
PRUDENCE
The ability to find the good in every situation and choosing the right means of achieving it.
JUSTICE
The constant and firm will to give what is due to God and neighbor.
FORTITUDE
The demonstration of strength in difficulties and temptations; the ability to overcome fear and other obstacles in one’s moral life.
TEMPERANCE
Balance in the use of created goods, using pleasure in moderation and seeking that which is good.
THEOLOGICAL VIRTUES
FAITH
The virtue by which one believes in God and believes that all he has said and revealed is true.
HOPE
A desire for the kingdom of heaven and eternal life as one’s happiness, placing one’s trust in Christ’s promises and relying on the grace of the Holy Spirit.
CHARITY
Love for God above all else for his own sake and love for one’s neighbor as oneself for the love of God.