During the early days of the “Stay Home, Stay Safe Order,” I began a daily routine of taking a late afternoon stroll around my neighborhood. On one sunny spring day, I returned from my walk to find a wonderful surprise — some thoughtful neighbor — most likely a child — had written in colorful chalk on my driveway, “We Love You.” This gesture of kindness brightened my day. And is a great example of how our words, our thoughtfulness make a difference.
Throughout these challenging months, there have been many positive outcomes: families spending more time together; health care workers, emergency and safety officers and other essential workers have been on the “front lines” to keep the rest of us safe; neighbors have been caring for each other; and our own diocesan staff, as well as our priests/deacons and parish staffs, keep finding creative ways to electronically stay connected to the practice of our faith.
However, in the last several years there has been an increasingly troubling sign that people no longer seem willing, or able, to be involved in civil/polite/respectful discourse or to be tolerant of anyone who has a differing opinion, whether it’s political, social or even spiritual. The pervasive negativity expressed by some people, language completely lacking in civility and the turn to violence to express opinions and social outrage is a cause for alarm. I still vividly remember my mother’s strong way of correcting me when I would be mean to my sisters or brother by saying “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all,” advice I try to follow to this day. I think our world would do well to heed that advice as well.
This doesn’t mean that we have to always “be nice” and avoid all situations of conflict. Sometimes circumstances are such that we must admonish others (family members, friends, coworkers, even strangers). Especially when we are confronted with evil or immorality, we dare not look the other way. We must speak. Our Faith calls us, in all charity, to “speak the Truth in love.” But how we speak out is what is important; that’s what is within our control.
Remember the Gospel story about Jesus meeting with the woman at the well? In those days, it was unheard of for Jesus, a Jewish man, to even approach or speak to a woman in public, let alone a woman who was a Samaritan. As we remember the story, Jesus initiates a conversation by asking the woman for a drink of water. And as the encounter unfolds and the woman reveals more about herself, Jesus doesn’t scold or criticize her; instead he engages her in a discussion. Gradually he lets her know that he is well aware of her past sinful relationships and that she’s living with someone who isn’t her husband. Finally, he reveals himself to her by saying that he is Living Water. As a result of this encounter, she becomes one of the first “evangelizers,” spreading the “Good News” that Jesus is the long-awaited Savior and resulting in many Samaritans becoming believers.
How differently that interaction would have gone if Jesus had focused only on her sins, mistakes and failures. Or worse yet, what if he had ignored her simply because she was a woman and of a different ethnic group. That kind of negative, condescending criticism would have driven the Samaritan woman away, not drawn her closer to Jesus. We need to ask ourselves: do our own words and actions attract others or repel them? Are we answering our call as “evangelizers” and “missionary disciples” who are committed to speaking the Truth in Love?
I’d like to invite all of us to examine our relationships with our friends, family, co-workers and even our Facebook friends. Do we speak to them with kindness and respect — even (or especially) when we strongly disagree with them? In other words, when we find it necessary to confront someone whom we believe is out of line, do we speak the Truth with Love as Jesus did?
In these situations, may I suggest that you remember to practice the “3 P’s”: 1) Be present; 2) Be prudent; 3) Be prayerful.
1. We are present when we first try to listen and understand each other and not just impatiently wait for the person to stop talking or even interrupt them so we can make our point.
2. Jesus said, “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.” We’re meek or prudent when we are honest in our heart’s intentions and motivations.
3. Most importantly, be prayerful. When there is someone we disagree strongly with on issues, we may not be able to change their minds, but we can certainly pray for them.
Jesus has given us very clear directions about criticizing others, when He said: “Stop judging, that you may not be judged. For as you judge, so will you be judged, and the measure with which you measure will be measured out to you. Why do you notice the splinter in your brother’s eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove that splinter from your eye,’ while the wooden beam is in your eye? You hypocrite, remove the wooden beam from your eye first; then you will see clearly to remove the splinter from your brother’s eye.” (Mt 7:1-5)
The days in which we are living are indeed challenging: as we keep trying to navigate this awful pandemic, as we witness the civil unrest due to racial injustices, as we try to deal with the stress related to the economic and financial worries and so much more. Let us heed the wisdom of Pope Francis who said, “We need ... to recover a certain sense of deliberateness and calm. This calls for time and the ability to be silent and to listen. We need also to be patient if we want to understand those who are different from us. People only express themselves fully when they are not merely tolerated, but know that they are truly accepted.”
“What would happen if we prayed more and murmured less, with the language a little calmed? What happened to Peter in prison (when an Angel of God miraculously freed him from his chains and opened the door to freedom would also happen for us); just as then, the many doors that separate us would open, and the many chains that paralyze would fall off. And we would be amazed.”